May 2025 Leaderboard
🏌️♂️ May Mayhem The Eclectic Ecstasy Edition
Welcome to the May edition of the Altangle Golf Newsletter — where dreams are made, handicaps are ruined, and blow-ups are served fresh every weekend. If April was a chip-and-run, May was a full-throttle shank. We’ve sifted through the data, laughed at the carnage, and picked out the juiciest bits for your reading (and roasting) pleasure.
Honorable mentions:
Ben Goodenough set the tone early, firing off five scores of 7 or worse including an iconic 8 on the 18th. We’re not saying he was tired… but his driver was seen napping by Hole 12.
Carlos Gisbert Villegas doubled down on disaster with a 9 on the 18th and an 8 on the 12th. Statistically, he played both holes like a man dodging invisible bunkers.
Luke Settle produced the kind of round that’s studied in therapy groups. A trio of 7s and an 8 closed out a back nine that felt more like a cry for help.
Alex Stacey didn’t just stumble, he committed to the bit: 8 on the 3rd, 7 on the 11th, 12th, AND 16th. If consistency is key, he just picked the wrong direction.
David Worrall joined the 8-club on Hole 3, confirming that the early holes were just as treacherous as the closing ones.
Mark Drake, however, takes the gold. He went 7–7–8 on the 10th, 11th, and 18th — a back-nine horror story Shakespeare would’ve wept over. If you listen closely, you can still hear his sigh echoing through the trees.
Best and worst score by hole...
🎯 Accidental Brilliance: Birds Among the Carnage
It wasn’t all doom and gloom — a few heroes emerged, albeit briefly:
Kevin Brown managed two birdies in a round that still only earned him 29 points. That's like finding gold nuggets while drowning in the River Thames.
Stephen Smith clocked a tidy 37 with a birdie, proving that not everyone got sucked into the vortex of pain. Suspiciously competent.
🧍♂️ Fatmate Watch: Pride, Pain, and Pints
We love our Fatmates — and even more when they give us material. May delivered.
Old Bumpy managed a respectable 30 points, which in Fatmate terms means "could’ve been worse." Rumor has it he still talks about his 2023 Order of Merit win every time he duffs a tee shot — a mental tactic known as delusional flash backing.
And then there were the true specialists. Let’s take a moment to appreciate the Fatmates who turned scorecards into comedy scripts.
Darren Brooks gave us a classic on Hole 13, carding an 8 and presumably a few expletives. Unlucky for some? Guaranteed therapy session for Darren.
David Major chose to close his round with a bang — an 8 on the 18th that was less ‘grand finale’ and more ‘tragic sequel.’ If you listened closely, you could hear his putter screaming for more crumpets.
Tim Brown, ever the crowd pleaser, delivered an 8 on Hole 12. We’re not sure what happened, but it likely involved a tree, a splash, and some existential dread.
📈 Round Recaps: The Alt Angle Chaos Collection
Weekend Stableford #2 – When Stableford Becomes Survival
If you blinked, you missed it — the second Weekend Stableford brought a flood of triple 7s, double blobs, and medal-worthy meltdowns. Conditions were fair, but swings were not. More than one player posted scores better suited to pub quizzes than golf comps. It was lovingly dubbed "The Stableford That Might Not Count" — mostly because no one wants it remembered.
Highlights? Not many. But there were lessons: if you’re going to have a blow-up, at least do it with flair. And bacon rolls don’t help your swing.
Thrash Round 3 – Premature Podium Syndrome
Nick Kilbee stood proud with 23 points, imagining a trophy, a round of applause, and maybe a personalized parking space. But golf — cruel, relentless golf — had other plans. Enter Kevin Walker: 24 points, delivered silently, like a tax bill. Nick went from champ to chump in under 10 minutes.
Elsewhere, Keith Allen opened his round with a 9 — bold strategy — and followed it with consecutive 7s. He’s currently being investigated for crimes against pars. Simon Charlton triple-blobbed and earned the 💣 Blobmeister award, and possibly some counseling.
The round ended in laughs, despair, and two scorecards being buried ceremonially in the woods.
Thrash Round 4 – The One With the Bunker Bomb
Round 4 of the Thrash Series turned sunshine into trauma. 47 players teed off. Only a handful emerged smiling. And most of them were faking it.
Captain Chaos herself, Maxine Berry, obliterated Division 2 with a monstrous 25 points — including birdies on Holes 1 and 7, sweeping the 2s pot, and walking away with £49.96 and a smirk. It wasn’t a contest. It was a coronation.
Meanwhile in Division 1, Joe Cheong had an accidental triumph. What started as a cheeky attempt to inflate his handicap ended in victory — thanks to a strong front 9 and a count back miracle. And now his handicap’s been cut. Brutal.
💬 Final Word: Just Happy to Be Here
May tested us all. Some cracked. Some soared. Most just blobbed the last hole and went home to cry in the shower. But as always, the Fatmates survived with jokes intact, beers in hand, and swings as questionable as ever.
Here’s to June. May your drives stay in bounds and your excuses stay believable.
(And if you're reading this, Joe — we still haven’t found that Wilson ball you lost on the 7th tee.)
Want This For Your Club?
If your course uses Intelligent Golf, we can plug in the same magic. All we need are credentials to access your comps – then we’ll do the rest. It's 100% free (because we’re more passionate than profitable), and we promise not to judge your net 92... much.
Drop us a message if you're interested – let's turn your weekly comps into stat-rich, leaderboard-driven comedy gold.