🏌️‍♂️ May Weekend Stableford – The Battle of "Fastest Finger First"

Welcome to the chaos that was this weekend’s Stableford, where the leader-board is still being held hostage by a few stragglers who think the best way to improve their score is to play their final holes in the dark. Maybe someone should tell them that a good score is a bit like a first tee booking — you’ve got to be fast and ruthless.

Let’s start with the stars and the spare parts:

Keith Dunne decided to channel his inner pro with a glorious 40 points, while Harry Smith matched him blow for blow, only faltering slightly when he remembered he was supposed to be struggling. Doug Costello slid into third with a solid 36 points, proving that consistency beats chaos… most of the time.

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The Fat Mates made their usual impact, mainly by swinging wildly and yelling even louder. Darren Adams was the top Fat Mate with 34 points, because of course he was — his strategy of talking himself into a good score is almost admirable. Lee Fuller scraped together 32 points while telling everyone how much better he is than his brother. Gary Bumpass, Darren Cadman, and Steve Rapley all managed 30, which is what we’ll call a “solidly average” performance. But the true MVP was John Soanes, who grabbed 24 points — because golf is meant to be painful.

Of course, there were some “honorable mentions” in the awards department:

• 🐦 Birdie Barrage: Wayne Talbot found 4 birdies and briefly forgot he was a mere mortal.

• 👹 Bogey Monster: Kieran Cooper racked up 6 bogeys in a row — because why not?

• 📉 Implosion: Harry Smith, who crumbled on the back nine like a poorly made soufflé.

• 📞 On Hold Champion: Darren Cadman, who spent more time on the phone than on the fairway.

• 🪃 Boomerang Ball: Stephen Smith, who went from brilliance to disaster faster than a Tesla in ludicrous mode.

• 🚫 Safety First: Simon Collins, who played it so safe he might as well have worn a helmet.

Until next time — may your drives be long, your putts be short, and your tee time secured by the fastest fingers in the west.