🏌️ Men’s Midweek Stableford – April 2025

Winner: Dean Definitely Didn't Cheat Parrott – 39 Points

Well well well, if it isn’t Dean Parrott waltzing in with 39 points on a midweek stroll. 🏌️ Men’s Midweek Stableford — The Dean Show (Featuring 6 Extras)

This week’s Midweek comp was more mystery thriller than golf. A mere seven players dared to show up, and only one name kept coming up:Dean Parrott — the man, the myth, the early-morning legend with 39 points and not a single playing partner to verify a damn thing.

Now don’t get us wrong — 39 is a very respectable score.But when it’s achieved in complete solitude, on a calm Wednesday morning, we can’t help but wonder...

🟡 Hole 10: Par 4. Dean scores a 4. Double circle time. That’s an eagle! ❌ Except it wasn’t. No eagle. No birdie. Not even a circle. He just scored well. A bit too well.

There were no actual eagles on his card, no flashy birdie streaks, just a sea of boring white cells. Par after par, with occasional dashes of orange (bogey) and the odd purple splat (blow-up). It was like watching Microsoft Excel slowly win a golf comp.

Still, that didn’t stop Dean from romping home five clear points ahead of anyone watching.

Click to Display Full Leaderboard

🥇 The "Leaderboard" (Terms and Conditions Apply)

• Dean “Solo Stableford” Parrott – 39 pts 🟰 Most consistent. Also most unsupervised.

• James Penney – 37 pts 🔴 A couple of red circles, actual proof he played golf.

• Steve Rapley – 34 pts ◼🟣 Winner of Div 1 and also most emotional roller-coaster.

🎭 Pop-up Highlights (If They Actually Had Pop-ups)

• Dean had a whole row of scores that screamed nothing to see here. Just a pure grid of “net white” — like a man desperately trying not to draw attention to the fact he was playing in his slippers.

• Steve Rapley racked up birdies, bogeys, and a full purple meltdown on the back 9 — the popover actually changed font to Comic Sans out of pity.

• Oscar Eltham dropped a spicy 🔴 birdie and followed it with a 🟣 8. We call this the "Glory Then Shame Combo."

🍕 Awards Ceremony in the Locker Room

• Birdie Barrage – Steve Rapley with 3 🔴s. Dean had… none. Like, literally none.

• Most Blobs – Oscar and Steve both said “hold my beer”.

• Implosion – Steve again. Back 9: orange and purple like a traffic light nightmare.

• Fat Mate of the Week – Sorry, no one fat enough braved the weather. Or Dean.

🔚 Final Thoughts

Dean’s winning round will go down in history as the least exciting dominant victory of all time. No drama. No flair. Just a spreadsheet full of quiet competence. Like a Tesla golf cart drove itself to victory.

Next week, someone please play with him. Or at least bring a drone.