🏌️ Men’s Monthly Stableford – April #1 2025

Winner: David “Surprise Package” Stas – 38 Points

David Stas came out swinging like he'd accidentally downed a double espresso on the first tee. No one expected it — including David, judging by his own reaction. Armed with a generous 26 handicap and a solid mix of accidental brilliance and actual competence, he strolled to 38 points and the top spot. His secret weapon? Possibly the fact that he’s invisible to pressure and maybe to scorekeepers.

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🏆 Other Notables:

• Wayne Talbot – 37 points and a clean, classy round. Still not quite enough, but very respectable for someone who doesn't need a buggy yet.

• Gareth Sparrowhawk – Also 37 points, although after carding an 8 on the first, many assumed he was just there for cardio. A heroic recovery.

• Joe Butler – Bagged an eagle on Hole 1. Calm down mate, it’s Stableford, not The Masters.

🧱 Stats and Awards Highlights

• Worst Hole: Hole 3 – absolutely savaged John Soanes. Again.

• Birdie Machine: Wayne Talbot with 4. Show off.

• Bogey Binge: Kaz Meslohi. Seven straight. Hope the drinks trolley had tissues.

• Blob King: John Soanes with 2 blobs and a full meltdown. Someone get him a hug.

• Fatmate of the Day: Tim Brown – 36 points and carrying the fried-chicken-fuelled hopes of the entire chub club.

• Fatmate Leaderboard:

  • 1st – Tim Brown (36) 🥇

  • 2nd – Barry Carter (31) 🥈

  • 3rd – Steve Rapley (28 + blew the easiest hole on the course with an 8) 🥉

📊 Holes Breakdown

• Hardest Hole: Hole 1 – the site of a small war. Five blobs, probably some tears.

• Easiest Hole: Hole 7, statistically. Hole 18 gets an honourable cheat mention for playing a full 100 yards shorter than usual, thanks to us being nowhere near the top tees and the ball bouncing around like it’s on concrete. It basically turned into a glorified chip-and-putt. Any birdies or eagles here are now under official review and may be voided pending further investigation. Looking at you, Joe.