🏌️ Men’s Monthly Stableford – April #2 2025

🏆 Winner: Trevor “Two-Putt” Briggs – 42 Points Trevor went full stealth mode here. No screaming drives, no drama, no meltdowns — just cold, calculated golf. While others were yelling “FORE!”, Trevor was calmly knocking it inside six feet. By the time the rest of the field realised what was happening, he was already polishing the trophy.

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🎯 Other Notables:

• Cian “Countback Casualty” Dunne – Another day, another close call. 40 points and not even a sniff of silverware. He’s basically the Stableford version of Tottenham.

• Keith Dunne – Also 40 points, also nothing to show for it. It’s almost like the Dunnes are cursed. Golfing witch doctor, anyone?

• Barry “Only 3 Birdies Actually” Carter – Just the three birdies (1, 9, 18), but somehow the gossip had him down for five. Relax Baz, it’s golf not a press conference.

• John Hall – Front nine: golfer. Back nine: haunted ruins of a once-promising round.

• Jason Taylor – Still hasn’t forgiven Hole 1 after scoring an 8. Honestly, might as well start his next round on the second tee.

🕳️ Hole Highlights:

• Most Generous: Hole 9, averaging over 3 Stableford points. It’s basically a freebie now.

• Blow-Up King: Hole 1 once again ruined weekends. Five players blobbed it — cue the club therapist.

• Easiest (but cheated): Hole 18 — yes, it averaged under 1 point, but it was playing 100 yards shorter than usual. Any birdies or eagles scored there should come with a disclaimer, and frankly, a formal apology to real golf.

🍔 Fat Mates Feature:

• Top Fatmate: David Greenfield – 36 points and not a broken trolley in sight. Inspirational.

• Barry Carter – 36 points too, but he’s been downgraded from “Birdie Machine” to “Birdie Enthusiast” after the fact-checkers got involved.

• Special Recognition: Glyn “Gravy” Jones and Mark “Moved a Lot for a Big Lad” Roberts – solid rounds and still had breath left to order chips.

🏅 Stats & Awards:

• 🦅 Eagle Eyed: Fred Storrar on Hole 1 – yes, it counts, barely.

• 💣 Blobmeister: Stephen Shipston with 3 blobs. That's more blobs than a kid’s science experiment.

• 📉 Implosion: John Hall fell apart harder than a discount deckchair on the back nine.

• 💪 Grinder of the Week: Nigel Cook – no birdies, no blobs, just 8 pars and relentless sighing.

• 📊 Average Stableford: 32.9 – probably dragged down by Fredy Da-Silva’s opening holes alone.